I just kept changing it
I’m on my third surname. It’s easy for me to discuss here under a pseudonym but my god does it make me cringe if it comes up in my real life.
I’m 100% certain that it makes me a Bad Feminist.
In my defence, I was 23 when I first got married. No one getting married for the first time wants to think about the possibility of divorce, especially not a 23 year old who knows deep down she really shouldn’t be getting married but if she doesn’t marry this guy who will she marry and how will she have her first baby at 27 if she still hasn’t met the guy she’ll have a baby with and if she doesn’t have a baby by the time she’s 27 then what even is the point of life?
Reader, you will not be surprised to learn that the marriage was not a particularly successful one (although I am quite chuffed with our two children) and I was single again before I was 30.
I hated the surname I grew up with, with a passion. When my sister-in-law took it on voluntarily I was appalled. I mean, it’s definitely not the worst (I would have definitely changed my name at 18 if it was Hore, Butts, or anything with Cock in it) but it wasn’t the best, and honestly, I think I just didn’t have much resilience as a kid and the teasing really got to me.
I know now that if you’re an easy mark, you’ll get teased no matter what your name is. Anyway, I couldn’t wait to change my name. And then we separated, and I didn’t want my old name back, and then I had another baby with my next partner, so now I couldn’t have the same name as all my kids, so I may as well not be carrying around my ex-husband’s name, but I still didn’t want my first name back, so I guess now I’ll check if the Gmail is available for what will become my third surname, and just like that I failed feminism.
And what have I learnt from this? Literally no one but you cares if you have the same surname as your kids. Not at school, not at swimming, not when you travel overseas.
If I could do it all over again? I don’t think I’d change anything. I still hate the name I grew up with. Did you change your name? Change it back? Change it to whatever you wanted?
Footnote: Jesus H Christ at least I did not have to ask for permission from my ex-husband (or my current one for that matter) to change my name.
