So many ‘M’ words
Motherhood.
Midlife.
Matrescence.
Menstruation.
Mammaries.
Menopause, motherf**kers.
I remember very clearly the moment I learned that menopause doesn’t just mean ‘you bleed a little less each month until you’re done altogether’. That was a shock.
I arrived at work one morning to my lovely boss and mentor pushing her wheelie chair back from the bathroom to her office. She’d done the best she could but… it still looked like it had come from the Red Wedding. “Flooding,” she said, with a knowing look. She was a single mum, with a single daughter a bit younger than I was: they probably talked about everything. I just nodded wide-eyed, pretending that was something I knew about.
How many of us grew up in families where this kind of stuff was Not. Talked. About.?My mum had a hysterectomy and an early menopause when I was just a little kid and I gather she had a pretty tough time with it, but it’s not something we’ve ever actually talked about. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever actually asked another women how it’s been for her. I probably should.
Fortunately, it seems to have become less taboo to talk about menopause in recent years. Here in Aotearoa, in a very zeitgeist-y kind of way, two books came out in January 2022 after years of crickets.
Nicky Pellegrino’s Don’t Sweat It is a refreshing and candid guide to navigating menopause and perimenopause. With a warm and witty tone, Pellegrino combines personal anecdotes with expert interviews to demystify "the change" and empower women to make informed choices about their health.
Niki Bezzant’s This Changes Everything is like having a candid chat with a well-informed friend who’s done all the hard research on menopause so you don’t have to. She breaks down complex health information into relatable, jargon-free advice, covering everything from mood swings and hot flushes to relationships and workplace challenges.
It’s so great to know that the women coming up behind me have more opportunities to learn about perimenopause and menopause before they get there. But I had no idea how good it could be until I heard this podcast.
I beg of you: please, please go and listen to it before you keep reading. At least listen up to 16 minutes. The storytelling is incredible. Bonus points if you listen on public transport because you may pee yourself laughing.
Okay, you finished listening now? Tell me that wasn’t one of the best stories you have ever heard about menopause. I mean, it’s one thing for a beautiful, famous, rich person to say the word ‘menopause’ out loud, but to say the words ‘vaginal atrophy’ out loud makes her my effing hero.
There’s something so reassuring about hearing that even people with access to alllll the resources still muddle their way through these things the same as the rest of us. I mean, it’s truly awful that that happened to her, and worse still to think that it probably happens to thousands of other women every year, but so valuable that she is prepared to allow the rest of us to learn from her abject misfortune.
Berry now has a whole business focussed on women’s experiences of menopause. I haven’t looked into it much - I trust you’ll let me know in the comments if you think i shouldn’t be promoting it.
An extremely reliable resource for science-backed menopause and perimenopause information is the Zoe podcast. They have a whole slew of different episodes providing informative and easy to digest content.