Trying on an ADHD identity

Who wore it best?

After my eldest was diagnosed with ADHD in 2018 it was easy to join the dots and point the finger at her absent father, who was also failed by the school system. But then I started joining the dots surrounding my mother and realised: it’s me, I’m the missing link.

I haven’t been tested or diagnosed, but certain patterns seem to fit. The way my thoughts dart around faster than I can keep track of them. How I think I’ve said something but I just talked around it for ten minutes. The scattered to-do lists. The terrible memory. The feeling of being overwhelmed by simple tasks, but then being able to hyperfocus on others for hours. The number of situations where my husband would be quite justified in saying “well what did you think would happen?” but the truth is I didn’t think.

But then there’s also a lot that doesn’t seem to apply. I get places on time. I never lose my keys. I am rigorous about spelling and grammar. My calendar is colour-coded. I didn’t identify with a whole lot in this excellent interview.

Have I just developed extremely good coping mechanisms? I am an eldest daughter after all.

Does it matter if I have a diagnosis? Am I just me, in all the quirky ways I show up in life? Did your diagnosis help?